Could your ability to forget be the key to a better memory?
What is holding you back from your best memory? Many of us have become accustomed to telling ourselves that our memory is “going,” that we have always had a bad memory, or that we're just not the type of person who can remember names.
Are these ideas we feed ourselves true… or is there perhaps more to the story? Now is the time to put these lines of thinking under the microscope and evaluate their impact on our ability to remember.
We may discover that forgetting our limiting ideas may be the most important key to improving memory.
“The minute you say, ’my memory isn’t what it used to be…’ you are actually training your brain to live up to your diminished expectations.”
The fear of losing our memory is real. It is a scary prospect that many have watched those we love suffer from. Often we are driven to seek a better memory by this fear of “losing it” rather than by the benefits that come to our lives through a more robust memory.
Here are some commonly held memory-related goals and concerns:
"I can’t seem to recall the words I want when I want them."
"I forget about important things, like appointments and birthdays."
"I forget people’s names so easily, sometimes I feel like I never heard them in the first place."
"Sometimes I have no memory of things I did just a few days before!"
"I don't want my family to have to take care of my if I lose my memory."
"I read things or hear them on the news and immediately forget what I just learned."
What are your top memory concerns? What are your motivations for improving your memory?
Take a moment to write them down in a journal…
Why do motivations matter?
When our motivation to protect memory is born of a fear that, in turn, can erode the future of our cognition, we step into the trap of a self-fulfilling prophecy instead of into our best memory.
When we accept the idea that, for example, memory loss is inevitable with age, we take ourselves down a narrow path towards reduced cognition and we close the door to a brighter mind. With this story line, we may take a misplaced pair of glasses (otherwise a natural slip of memory due to inattention or fatigue) as validation that we are in fact experiencing age-related memory loss. The stress and fear associated with this conclusion leads us to look for yet even more evidence of our decline, eliminating efforts to optimize memory through learning, positive emotion, and new ideas.
Is it possible to instead look ahead to the joy that comes with optimal memory? Can we choose to lean into our efforts for a robust mind for the love of our memories, life quality, and the malleable brain? This growth mindset is one that optimistically accepts the truth of our dynamic brains, and looks for evidence to support improvement, opportunities for learning, and new ways to remember.
Living memorably begins by understanding the following truths about memory and the brain:
Anyone at any age can take steps towards a better memory.
Neuroplasticity is our brains ability to change and adapt as the result of experience at every age.
Attention is required to remember, and it is a skill we can always improve.
We can separate from our thinking, and our mind can direct our patterns of thought towards a stronger memory.
It is our choice to learn the skills and acquire the lifestyle for a better memory.
Older adults grow just as many new brain cells (neurons) as young people.
Our lifestyle is more powerful than our biology when it comes to predicting the path of our memory.
Positive emotion helps the brain remember, and is the key to living memorably.
What do you need to forget?
How do these facts agree or disagree with any of your previously held ideas about the future of your memory, the aging brain, or your goals? Take a moment to evaluate any old ideas that are limiting your memory, and make a commitment to forgetting them… to removing them from your patterns of thought… so that new FACTS about your brilliant brain can inspire a whole new way of thinking and remembering.
List a few memory-related goals that focus on the rewards of a better memory:
Examples:
I want the extra time and reduced stress that comes with remembering where I left important things...
I want to deepen my connections with friends by remembering the details of our conversations...
We hope you challenge yourself to do more research on your own! Visit our Readers Corner for references to books and materials that will support expanding ideas about the future of your memory.