Bending Without Breaking: The Art of Adapting to Aging
Aging sneaks up on us. One day you’re jogging up the stairs two at a time, the next you’re holding the railing and muttering, “These knees have betrayed me.” Getting older isn’t for the faint of heart. But here’s the secret: the people who thrive into their 70s, 80s, and beyond aren’t the ones who avoid change — they’re the ones who adapt.
In her book Joyspan, Dr. Kerry Burnight lays out four big pillars that extend joy across the lifespan: Grow, Connect, Give, and Adapt. Each of these extends what she calls our joyspan — the length of time joy lingers and enriches our lives. While all four matter, adapt is the unsung hero. Without it, the rest wobble like a lopsided table.
Why Adaptation Matters
Adaptation is more than putting on bifocals or trading stilettos for sneakers. It’s about creativity, resilience, and stubborn joy in the face of shifting circumstances. Bodies change. Friend circles shift. Tech keeps outpacing us (seriously, who asked for three remote controls?). The ones who adapt don’t collapse into bitterness — they pivot, improvise, and keep saying yes to life in new ways.
Think about it:
You used to run 5k’s. Now you walk the neighborhood and wave at every dog like it’s royalty. That’s adapting.
Your career gave you structure. Now you volunteer, mentor, or finally paint that weird abstract series you’ve always imagined. That’s adapting.
You lose friends to distance, death, or discord. You find new ways to connect — book clubs, grandkids, even online groups. That’s adapting, too.
Radical Acceptance: The Gateway to Adaptation
Here’s the twist: you can’t adapt without first practicing radical acceptance.
Radical acceptance is the gritty, liberating act of saying: “This is reality. I don’t have to like it, but I can stop fighting it.” It doesn’t mean giving up — it means giving up the illusion of control. When you stop wasting energy resisting the wrinkles, the losses, or the curveballs, you free up energy to adapt creatively.
Radical acceptance: “My eyesight is changing.”
Adaptation: “Time for bigger-font books and an unapologetically chic pair of readers.”
Radical acceptance: “My circle of friends is smaller now.”
Adaptation: “I’m ready to deepen the relationships that matter most.”
Radical acceptance: “I can’t do everything I once did.”
Adaptation: “But I can do new things I never had time for before.”
Radical acceptance clears the emotional clutter; adaptation builds the new path forward. Together, they transform loss into possibility.
The Bigger Picture: Adapt in Joyspan
Dr. Burnight’s framework reminds us that adaptation doesn’t exist in isolation. It fits into the larger symphony of joyspan:
Grow: Keep learning and stretching.
Connect: Nurture the people who make your world bigger.
Give: Share your energy and wisdom generously.
Adapt: Bend when life demands it — and find joy in the pivot.
Living Well Isn’t About Staying the Same
Here’s the edgy truth: resisting change is what actually ages us. You can either fight reality until it wrings you out, or you can bend, shift, and make peace with the new normal. Spoiler: only one of those paths leaves you with the energy to dance, laugh, and savor the rest of your years.
Aging well doesn’t mean clinging to a younger version of yourself. It means editing the script, updating the soundtrack, and sometimes even learning a TikTok dance from your grandkids (bonus points if you make them roll their eyes).
The bottom line? Radical acceptance opens the door. Adaptation walks you through it.
So the next time life forces you to change course — practice acceptance, then take the detour. You might just find that joy lingers longer when you bend without breaking.
Would you like me to also add a short, reflective exercise at the end — something readers can do (like journaling or a one-minute inventory) to put radical acceptance + adaptation into practice right away?